Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
