How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
