My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
