i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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