my shit smells like andre
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize