theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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