I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
