It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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