Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
