It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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