doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
