i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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