just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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