she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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