So drunk, too bad you don't want this
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
