Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
