Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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