i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
