90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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