i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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