So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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