ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?