Ambien. No doubt about it.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch