New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.