Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
