Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
