I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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