You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize