New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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