My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
