Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
