My liver just broke up with me...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
