I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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