the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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