Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
