God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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