This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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