is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
