I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
