just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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