How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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