Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
