Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
