chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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