i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
