My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
