I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
either way he was missing a nipple.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
