that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
