You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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