I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
