If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
