That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
