why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize