peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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