and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
