There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
