Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
