Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
