I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
