I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
