Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
