in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
