When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
