hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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