I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?