I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
