my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.