Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're like the curious george of whores
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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