Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes