Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.