trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.